Random shit for random life.

Reblogged from onewingedaves  78,034 notes

barackfuckingobama:

xinjay:

itsjustafangirlthing:

tundrakatiebean:

spooknessinsalvation:

thisbookofshadows:

barackfuckingobama:

so i bought this ring that has a little hinge and it opens up to a tiny secret box hidden under the gem and my mom told me that women used to put poison in it and then SLIP POISON INTO PEOPLES DRINKS and i was like NUH UH THIS CANT BE REAL and i just googled it and guys this is like a real thing

people are psycho

I have a few of those. I think they’re really neat!

classiest way to poison someone hands down

That’s how it all goes down in Hamlet, poison ring.

I’ve always, always wanted one of these because I have pure peppermint liquid that can ruin a drink with one drop and just kargfksernjskrn I want one.

wait why does everyone want one of these

what are all of you people planning

i regret making this post because i have been getting the creepiest reblogs in the universe seriously tumblr u scary

Reblogged from rubberducklumps  392,428 notes

shmapey:

justmyflawedlogic:

lokisgloriouspenis:

okay today i learned that apparently the penis has a say in whether or not a child will be a boy or a girl

female sperm swims slower than male sperm, but the males can’t swim for as long as the females. this means that a long penis will be closer to the egg when releasing the sperm, and there will be a higher chance for the child to be a boy.

so in conclusion

if you have a lot of sons you have a big dick

image

image

THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE POST

Reblogged from divergent-vanguard  56,057 notes
companioncube0:

I was at Walgreens buying my brother a birthday card. An elderly woman was also in the aisle. She said “can you believe they have wedding cards for two men and look even two women!”
[screams internally]
But she then said “I’ve seen so many changes in my 80 years, it’s wonderful how things are moving forward.”
[internal tears of joy]
She then mentioned that she didn’t know any gay people but that everyone should be treated like they would want to be treated. I smiled and said “you know one now” and pointed at myself. She smiled, patted my shoulder and said “now I do”.

companioncube0:

I was at Walgreens buying my brother a birthday card. An elderly woman was also in the aisle. She said “can you believe they have wedding cards for two men and look even two women!”

[screams internally]

But she then said “I’ve seen so many changes in my 80 years, it’s wonderful how things are moving forward.”

[internal tears of joy]

She then mentioned that she didn’t know any gay people but that everyone should be treated like they would want to be treated. I smiled and said “you know one now” and pointed at myself. She smiled, patted my shoulder and said “now I do”.

Reblogged from onewingedaves  6 notes
Why is it impossible to get more than 5 followers?

onewingedaves:

i-am-so-done-with-this-fandom:

an-illusionists-reality:

That is a really good question

Try these out:

  1. TAG YO SHIT (This is really important so I made sure to bold it)

    I say this is the most important because no matter what kind of blog you have, if you never tag your posts it won’t put you on the “tumblr radar”. If you reblog something I guess its okay if you don’t tag once you get a bit more followers but ALWAYS tag original posts (unless its something you don’t deem worthy of tagging I guess)

  2. Post often/ Queue stuff

    This is also pretty important. You don’t really want to go long periods of time without posting anything (unless a personal reason but again that’s an exception) because people aren’t on at the same time you are and if you don’t post a lot your posts could get buried in a follower’s dash. If something happens or you plan on going on hiatus for a while, use your queue! That’s why it’s there.

  3. Have an idea of what you want your blog to be

    This is kinda self-explanatory, what kind of blog do you want to be? Art? Fandoms? A specific fandom? Bands? Plants? Plants in a band?
    Or even a blog about general stuff/ anything. They count too!

  4. Sacrifice a couple virgins

    THIS WORKS EVERYTIME. However, since virgins are so rare nowadays, this is extremely difficult to pull off so not many people can accomplish this. I, personally, used this option. I was only able to find enough for one blog though so I used it on my main one. I am currently looking for two more for this one. (In case anyone wants to volunteer?)

Really, just have fun with this. Enjoy it. If you like being on here it will become infectious and people with gather around you. No matter how many followers you have, love them all! (Just make sure you love them equally or things will get ugly)

I thought this might be relevant to my followers here too

What the heck does sacrifice virgins means?

Well, I know this sounds like a lie, but here me out, there was once a time looong ago where women would wait to have sex AFTER THEY WERE MARRIED. Crazy right?
Well due to this, there were plenty of girls around the ages of 17 who were virgins, or people who haven’t had intercourse. Virgins were thought to be really innocent people and so were prime for sacrifices.
They thought that young girls around 17 were best because they were old enough to understand the hatred in the world but yet were still pure and innocent.
It was this purity that was thought to be the highest form of magic and so it was used as a sacrifice to appease the gods and other higher beings (this case being the tumblr staff)
Sadly, the highly magical virgin race began to die out and with it the gods without their sacrifices to survive. Magic also began to die from the world and started being seen as childish and make believe. Now virgin sacrifices are extremely rare but still have the magic potency from ages past. If you are able to pull off such a feat then you are one hell of a sorcerer.

Why is it impossible to get more than 5 followers?

That is a really good question

Try these out:

  1. TAG YO SHIT (This is really important so I made sure to bold it)

    I say this is the most important because no matter what kind of blog you have, if you never tag your posts it won’t put you on the “tumblr radar”. If you reblog something I guess its okay if you don’t tag once you get a bit more followers but ALWAYS tag original posts (unless its something you don’t deem worthy of tagging I guess)

  2. Post often/ Queue stuff

    This is also pretty important. You don’t really want to go long periods of time without posting anything (unless a personal reason but again that’s an exception) because people aren’t on at the same time you are and if you don’t post a lot your posts could get buried in a follower’s dash. If something happens or you plan on going on hiatus for a while, use your queue! That’s why it’s there.

  3. Have an idea of what you want your blog to be

    This is kinda self-explanatory, what kind of blog do you want to be? Art? Fandoms? A specific fandom? Bands? Plants? Plants in a band?
    Or even a blog about general stuff/ anything. They count too!

  4. Sacrifice a couple virgins

    THIS WORKS EVERYTIME. However, since virgins are so rare nowadays, this is extremely difficult to pull off so not many people can accomplish this. I, personally, used this option. I was only able to find enough for one blog though so I used it on my main one. I am currently looking for two more for this one. (In case anyone wants to volunteer?)

Really, just have fun with this. Enjoy it. If you like being on here it will become infectious and people with gather around you. No matter how many followers you have, love them all! (Just make sure you love them equally or things will get ugly)